it's been tough to say the least....

We've had some highs & some lows in the last two weeks. I thank God for his faithfulness though. One of the lows was losing Ben this week. Today is the first day I'm truly okay with it....I've been up & down with emotions because of all we've been through with that old man. For those who don't know Ben...he was our 13 year old Pug that we rescued about 2 1/2 years ago. His previous owners did not treat him very well and he came with ALOT of baggage that we had to sort through and when I say baggage I mean "health" issues. Most would NOT have taken it on but I felt like he deserved a chance....and I'm thankful I had that chance. He was such a sweet ol' soul, who LOVED to eat! He protested the fact that he was put on a strict diet & exercise program when he came to live with us...and even more so when he developed diabetes. Through the daily injections to losing his eye and then complete sight, he pushed through until the very end...even his last night with us he eat right through the pain & coughing. Nothing would keep that man from eating his dinner! Today, he's enjoying the free life with lots of kisses from his Sweet Annabelle who preceeded him in death and making lots of new puggie friends. I know to most this may sound silly or even a little "wacky" but it's what I have to believe in order to move through this grieving process. I'm guilted with the decision of having to put him down, even though it's what was best for him. I'd like to shut-down and pretend like it didn't happen....but I can't. I'm learning daily how to deal with my emotions and I don't like it. I don't like change...I want things to stay as they are....but alas...life is full of constant change. I must accept that. So...today, I'm dealing with the loss of my friend...my pug. Ben.

Someone emailed me with this poem & it helps me understand--it was okay to let him go.

When my body grows frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep
I ask you do what must be done
For my last battle cant be won
Its very hard I understand
Please don’t let grief stay your hand
For on this day, more than the rest
Your endless love will stand the test
You don’t want me to suffer so
When my time comes, please let me go
Take me where my needs they’ll tend
And stay with me until the end
Hold me close and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see
Although my tail its last has waved
From pain and suffering I’ve been saved
Don’t grieve that it must be you
Who had to decide this thing to do
To my pain and suffering you said no
It’s out of love you’ve let me go

I love you my sweet Ben.....you will always remain close to my heart. Forever.